put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
