It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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