just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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