I got chris browned last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The air was thick with penises
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
