his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
