Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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