the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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