Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
