I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
