so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
