I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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