Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
