it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
