yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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