I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
