just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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