yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
