I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
