so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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