I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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