She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
