Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
even my farts smell like vagina
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
