if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
