I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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