haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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