I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
