I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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