She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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