CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
