gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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