people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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