No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
