Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
