porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
