didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
