please come you make the beer taste better
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
