hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Never joke about your clitoris.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
