giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this will be a night to untag.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
