his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My feet surprised me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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