Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
