I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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