Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
