I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
