I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
