the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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