I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
