i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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