Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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