Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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