I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
